Tales From The Blake: Something About A Chainsaw

Now Where Was I Exactly?

On the afternoon of January 28, 2012, my four friends and I ran out of gas on a farm road in South Texas.  All of my friends were never seen again.  The next morning I, the lone survivor, was picked up on a roadside.  I was blood-caked and screaming murder.

I had just broken out of a window of hell.

I could only babble a mad tale: a cannibal family in an isolated farmhouse…chainsawed fingers and bones…my friends all hacked up for barbeque…chairs made of human skeletons…then I sank into catatonia for nearly three months.

Texas lawmen mounted a month long manhunt, but they could not locate the macabre farmhouse.  They could find no killers and no victims.  No facts; no crime.

Officially, on the records, this real life “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” never happened.

Since I’ve recovered, I constantly hear the buzz of the chainsaw.  It haunts me.  It seems to have no end.

Nah, I’m just fooling around, but the sick and twisted part of me kind of thinks this would have been a much better reason for my absence than what I’m about to tell you.

My real reason is that I’ve been extremely busy in my personal life.  I just moved back home to Alabama from Fucking, Idaho (It’s near Boise, look it up) and I’m now out of the military.  I think I’ve moved like four times since I’ve gotten home and I’ve been trying to keep up with school.  

Oh yeah, the current place I’m living at has the worst Internet speed ever (128 K, no bullshit) and my cell phone DOES NOT work out here (Hmmm, sounds like a good set up to a clichéd slasher film.  Quick!  Let’s throw a party this weekend and I’m almost positive a homicidal maniac will coincidentally break out of the local institution.)

I’m rambling.

Anyway, I’m sorry I haven’t been around but fear not, loyal reader:  I’m back!

This is just a quick apology I wanted to post to you guys.  I will have a BRAND NEW Tales From The Blake on TheDevilsEyes.com tonight!

Until then….